What's Up Wednesday

click to get Orkut Myspace what's up Comments & Graphics

Hey ya'll! It's Wednesday and I've been a major slacker, but since it's time for What's Up I suppose I can share why.

First of all, Happy Patriot Day. I hope everyone has a glorious day although I know way too many are not. I'm actually in a so-so mood myself. I always have a rough 9/11, but my thoughts are with everybody out there in America today and I send my prayers and blessings.

This is actually my 1st year out of the hospital on this day for quite a long time. I get very depressed, it has taken me this long to figure out that our bodies and time are in sync, so when a bad time of year starts rolling around our mind picks up on it even if we are unaware of the thoughts causing the sadness. But this year I paid attention because I did become aware of why and when my depression was beginning. And today being Patriot day does not mean I'm free and clear, nor that my emotional stress is over. Today is actually the very beginning. I think I'll make it this time, many thanks to my 5 therapists right now, and I hope all of you find a way for you to make it through too.

On to What's Up in my life. As I mentioned above I have 5 therapists. Yep I am finally facing all those horrible bad things in my life mostly through Cognitive Therapies. Which means I am extremely busy with lots of appointments and deep detailed homework. Taking a look deep inside is very draining. I'm on my 3rd week and I'm more tired than if I was working a full time job, (kind of glad I'm not right now, geez I feel for those who do), also I am adjusting to a lot of new medications and it is totally slowing me down.

So obviously I want to blog. I love to blog. I just haven't made it a priority lately for a few reasons. One I am exhausted right now and two I really am not getting anywhere with my blog. Not where I would like to be and definitely not where I think I should be. This is a real slow process for me. So for now I'm allowing it to be slow so that I do not become overwhelmed. I am thinking of taking it as slow as I feel and blogging here and there but first and foremost to read more blogs about how to actually write good posts. I get a lot of enjoyment out of typing my thoughts and feelings out and hitting those publish and share buttons, but I want you all to get the most enjoyment out of taking the time to read it also.

http://ishouvik.com/5-ways-to-improve-your-blog-posts

Yes what I am saying is I need some tips PLEASE, so for those of you reading I am asking for your tips, hints, advice and criticism. Please comment or email me once you've looked over my blog, and always leave your blog url so I can check out your amazing writings. With that I am going to close out with peace and love and many, many blessings. Thanks for stopping by on my What's Up Wednesday (which will someday be a link-up).

P.S. Don't think I'm giving up on blogging because that is not my intention. My intentions are to make it the most important aspect of my life outside of myself, my family and my wonderful friends, especially the ones I've met online. :)

Self-Hate/Self-Love

Hey lovies! How are you all doing? It's been awhile since my last inspirational post so today I have got a little self-esteem review from me and a couple of my own quotes to turn that self-hate into self love. This is just the start, hopefully, I will stay true to inform you how well this positive thinking works for me. I probably shouldn't post these thoughts about myself but I just hope to help another person out, here goes nothing.

Do you like yourself?

All you can do is try to be better. I just realized my problem isn't that I don't like myself, it's that I care to much about what other people think of me. Everyone has faults, I just need to remind myself of that and not worry what everyone else thinks of me. F-it!

My do not like list:

-that I drop everything just to please people who have no love for me

-obsessing and stressing

-I sacrific way to much

-don't stand up for myself

-shy around those I don't know

-that I am a horrible cook

-I feel as though I have reached my limit of intelligence

-I can't remember shit

-I'm broken, a terrible hott mess

-that I'm broke and can't buy nice things

-that I've hurt everyone I love

-that I can't go back to saying F-it like I used to

-that I'm not stupid, I wish I was a fool

-that I'm indecisive

-I'm critical

-enabling

-suspisious

-violent

-vulgar

-withdrawn

-impulsive

-defensive

-greedy

-possesive

-sarcastic

-self-centered

-selfish

What it's about:
It's about balancing out your weaknesses. If you don't like something, improve it little by little until you get it 
right. Stabilize it and don't let it bring you down. You actually like yourself this way, why worry about what others think. If you care it's because you don't like it. So change it!

http://www.messianicjudaism.me/yinon/2013/07/19/meeting-a-fellow-blogger/

My Assets:

-honest

-reliable

-responsible

-open-minded

-thrifty

-supportive

-greatful

-positive

-industrious

-patient

-realistic

-courageous

-interested

-clean

I am also posting an I Hate About (you) poems at www.magicalwritings.blogspot.com so check it out!

Monday Mingling

Hello ladies, my name is Jesyka and I am linking up with Monday Mingling. I have been away for awhile and when I got back on last week I realized my normal link-up had disappeared so this week I decided to try another.
Lets see, what can I tell you about me? I am 30 something, live in southeastern OH, small town girly-o. I am into fixing computers, candle making, mixing essential oils, scrap-booking (although, it's been a long time), poetry and studying Psychology and Aromatherapy.

My blog is essentially to share my experience, strength and hope with others hoping that someone will find the right advice they may need, or just for them to know they are not alone. I have 3 different mental health issues that I deal with daily and I am also a recovering addict. I just want to share my story. Other than that I like linking-up and blogging about normal life experiences such as recipes, things I love, and my favorite one - how I lost weight! I also have newer blog for my poetry. I post one each week, so please check it out also if you like poetry.

And that is my introduction, now you know a lot about me and I can't wait to learn a lot about you. Join in on Monday Mingling!

5 for Five

Okay, well the Internet tech just left from fixing my Internet for the 2nd time, maybe this time will work. Either way it's working fine right now so I can do my 5 for Five even though it is already Tuesday. I did write them out already as I have been doing on the nifty weekly planner I made recently. See here.

Last week I chicken out on setting goals. That's not to say I didn't accomplish anything at all, I just didn't set anything in stone. But I'm back this week with a lot to do, lol. So here are my 5 goals for the week.
1.) Do a lot of typing. For the past 2 weeks my Internet has been horrible, they changed some equipment in the office today so I hope that works. I kept telling myself now was the time to type up a lot of poems and recipe notes out of my journal and some future posts while the Internet was pretty much out but the technician in me just would not allow it. I spent way  too much time trying to fix it myself before I even called to complain. SMH

2.) Finish organizing and saving documents to my external hard drive. Something horrible I realized last night: somehow I deleted all the files in my video folder. I'm going to do a recover today but going through the files from that is a pain in the butt. If it ain't one thing, it's another.

3.) Eat fruit everyday, no more than 2 servings of grains each day, and maybe 1 sweet snack for the week. I'm doing great at this and last week when I got weighed I was 7 lbs. lighter than the last time (app 5 wks). So YAY! go me!!!

http://pinterest.com/pin/524176844098940223/
4.) Exercise 3 times each, upper, lower and 3 walks totaling at least 1 mile each. (easy one, hopefully)

5.) Make some more Stress Relief and Pain Relief Oils. I've been out for awhile but I dug through my journals (see #1) and found the recipe. I can't wait to make it, needed it so much here lately.

http://pinterest.com/pin/524176844099669577/
YAY! That's my 5 for Five, what's yours? Go on over and link-up with Jessica and Jenn and leave me a comment with your link so I can read yours too.   Have a wonderful 4th of July and be safe.         

 American Flag clipart

from Clker.com

5 for FIVE

It's time to Link-up and share your goals!
So here's how it goes for last week's: GREEN for Yes and RED for no.
1. Organize poems into 3 prong folders. Share-able  Needs Editing, For My Eyes Only. I got them all separated but now I have more to type.

2. Eat no more than 2 Carbs per day with 1 bonus (donuts, cake, etc.) I hate eating carbs, I guess I should specify that by saying grains. I barely ate anything so this was a definite.

3. Edit the About Me and the contact detail on all the sites I use. I did most of FB yesterday and I'm going to make them all the same so it should be easy. Pretty sure I got all of them done. If not I saved it for later of course.

4. Purchase the stock photos I want. One for each blog and maybe one for my web-site but I doubt it. I did not purchase the photos because I decided to wait for my name change, or not. But I did create my own for Magical Writings.

5. Figure out how to turn the edited stock image into a button for my page. I didn't say finish it, obviously this is going to be a baby step process. But I am determined to do it myself. Yep I figured this out, I actually made one for my other blog Magical Writings.

So 4 out of 5 definitely is not bad. Probably the best I've done so far. Last week was a very hard week for me so unfortunately I am not setting any goals this week. When you have Bi-Polar episodes sometimes it's better to just let it run its course. And that's exactly what I am going to do. I have my 7 days of Planner to stick to anyway to keep me focused. Things I will do for sure is deciding what to get rid of before my move and try to get rid of it and typing out any other poems and aromatherapy recipes that are still written in my journal. And maybe coming up with a new, shorter, better name for my blog, but i don't know.

You all have a blessed week, I wish you the best in completely your goals. Stop by again.

Jesyka Lynn

Poetry

Hello everyone just wanted to stop by and say come over and check out my new poetry blog. If you are a fan you are going to want to follow and stay tuned to "Magical Writings". Look forward to sharing my innermost, deepest thoughts with you. Thanks for checking it out. Each time I post I will do a short post on this blog letting everyone know.

And a Tuesday update: My planner is going great. I am surprised at how much I am accomplishing.

Click the above link if you missed the file download.

Thanks guys, have a wonderful rest of the week.

What's Up Wendesday

What is today? Is it Wednesday? Yep it sure is. Guess I'm gonna do a

What's Up Wednesday!!!

So lets see, uh okay damn, the last post I did was last Wednesday. And wow it has been a crappy week. Might I first just be honest with myself and everyone else and first say that I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. Ha, and my next confession may or may not, probably not, have anything to do with being Bi-Polar. However I spent Friday through Tuesday curled up on the couch, mostly sleeping and eating very little and double duty sulking in my sad little pitiful excuse of a life. Yea I did and honestly I think that's 3 weeks in a row now. But don't be confused because that's not technically a depression phase. At least not a typical one anyway. Depression lasts for 3 weeks or more but it has to be consecutive. And generally for no reason at all.

Depression and Mania

Well I sat sulking in my misery this week because as soon as it happened I recognized the pattern. And by God admitting it is a very hard thing to do so I think I'm gonna keep that to myself for now. Lets just see if we have a week 4 or not. Week 3 should not have happened but when it hit me I lost all control and that made it even worse. Lets see I could be rapid-cycling but I doubt that's the case, even though that's the type I typically am. I cannot sleep for the life of me and I did some major cleaning and organizing all night and all day yesterday, but I had the energy and it was way over due. Now if I am in a Phase again, jeez it's been soooo long, I have obviously been learning to deal with it a little better. Yay.

Completely Normal

And moving on. I just wanted to touch base and say that I did manage to complete 3 out of 5 goals on 5 for Five last week, so for being in a sappy mood that's not too bad. However I am not planning any for this week. Maybe just try not to argue with anyone. That would just ruin my mood. I'm in a good mood because I had some unexpected old friends stop by to visit. They are amazing. I love em. I also talked to a favorite person on the phone and that hasn't happened lately. Hopefully I see him today. If I make it through the day. I'm tired from all the cleaning I did. :( Anyway I should probably get up like a normal person today. Take a shower, dress up, do my hair and make up and stop being a sad lil pup. Don't know if I've been funny at all but at least now I'm trying to make myself smile. Thanks for reading my roller coaster journey, please follow me.

What's Up Wednesday

Okay so this is What's Up, I have so much energy today that I actually got bored for a moment because I was so hyper I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that I got very sad last Wednesday and was in bed being lazy for about 4 days. Now I am refreshed and totally energized. I feel like I could take on the world. I can do anything I want to do. Now, honestly I just gotta keep this going and hurry up and figure out what I really want to conquer. I conquered a lot last week, I was getting shit done.

Then me and Jason had  a talk and of course as soon as you talk about feelings and the future, someone has to get all anxious and try to bail. Depressing crap, especially when the only reason you talk about that crap is because he decides to say that he loves you. Loves me but then wants to run-away. Well I think that we got that all cleared up. We decided that if we do get in that lovey mood and say crazy things that we'll know it's in the heat of the moment (not sex people) and we will just not take it seriously. I never did anyway. My heart is in hate mode, which means I am protecting it for now.

Also, What's Up is that last week I got the mole on my lip cut off. I'm going to blog about it with pictures once it is completely healed. Almost there.

Me and My Wonderful Sisters

And my 'lil sis Nakita sent me an invitation for her Bachelor's Degree Graduation. I am totally pumped about it and can't wait for the date. (I better be able to go.) I only graduated with a certification so technically she'll be the first from our family. Go Nakita, I love you girl!

And then I have totally been blogging a lot, obviously for myself. That's totally fine on some of this stuff but I wish I was interesting enough to get at least one follower. I wonder what I can do better. If you are reading this, I would love to hear some feedback in the comments section. At least I always have it saved for myself, that's all that really matters. I have lost so much digital documents that blogging makes it really nice for journaling because it's always saved online. Also clouds are like my digital best friend. I love the backup and accessing from any device. Really awesome. And now I am rambling, blah, blah, blah. I got to go, later lovies!

Holding on or Letting go???

Alright this post is not going to be based on the political correct idea or what you should do, but on what I am feeling I should do. I listened to a lot of crap throughout my life about walking away and letting go when things aren't as they should be. But I don't want to let go ever again.

Here are a few examples of CRAP I read, and have even shared on Facebook. And yes in the back of my mind and thinking of my heart, I have been totally for this method.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

(nothing against this page, I just needed a pic)

Yes there is definitely a limit on how much and how bad a person should be able to treat you but honestly for the last however many years I have been hateful and sad, I walked away from a lot of really good people for making mistakes. I keep doing it, every time someone makes me mad, or hurts my feelings.

Now that I am trying to completely start my life over, and yes I hope I find a few great friends, at this point I haven't. Basically I am realizing that if I want to have friends at all, I am going to have to accept the fact that people make mistakes. And yes sometimes they are horrible mistakes. Even I have made many, and maybe some people have walked away from me.

Also I would like to comment on this one. I actually had an experience with this and followed though with leaving all of them behind when my troubles were over. Not fun and to be very honest that's when I started walking away from people who screwed me over. However as I look back and sit here friendless (almost) I am realizing that by living so true to these words that I have lost everyone, including some very important people that I loved dearly.

via someone on fb

The reason all this is on my mind is because I recently had a friend of like 5 months make me completely irate. And for a few days I had to calm myself down. I felt like that person did what they did to intentionally upset me. I have had to realize that it had nothing to do with me, and I honestly feel like it has nothing to do with how they feel about me. I have always told myself that whoever did something hurtful or wasn't there when I needed them was because they didn't care about me, probably no one else, or even them self  But I have realized that may not always be true. Actually it almost never is if I think really hard because everyone I have hurt has always been people I love with all of my heart. It was just a stupid mistake, that had everything to do with me, and almost always ended up regretting but not even all of the time.

And I can finally say that my whole new outlook on how I want things to be is totally working for me. I want to be able to forgive people, no matter what. If I don't want to do it for them that's fine, I'll have to evaluate the situation as I am now and determine my best course of action. Should I hold on to that friendship or should let go and walk away. If I walk away every time I will still be sitting here lonely, losing friends the moment I make them. So this time I'm going to stay, for now. If it happens again I might walk away but everyone deserves a second chance, maybe 5, 10 or 50, who knows. No matter what you have to forgive for your own piece of mind. If not for them, do it for yourself.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

Thanks for reading. Please comment, subscribe or follow. I love you guys!

Affirmations Video Share

Today I watched a video on You Tube uploaded by Ivy Wind. I love watching her videos because she is so spiritually uplifting. If you haven't read my blog before it is called Reprogramming Your Mind for a reason. I used to be very dark, in an extremely sad place. So what I mean to express, don't know if I do, is how you can change your life from dark to light. And this video is about Positive Affirmations and how you and only you can turn your life, your thinking, and your feelings around to no longer be in a dark, depressed, slump. I want to share it because this is how I managed to become a completely different person. Thank you Ivy for sharing this video.

Depression Update

Depression Update

Today I must write a little update about me because I haven't wrote since Monday. And Monday I really wasn't feeling up to it. I just realized what happened to me today when I was finally trying to get back in the game of life, if you will. Something happened Sunday or Monday, I don't know what all I know is I was nausea, fatigued and my head hurt so bad I thought I was dying. All that is typical since I get Migraines often but this week it lasted 4 days. I guess that's typical as well. But today I looked at the calendar and I seen that Tuesday was Mar. 19th. March 19th, 2003 was the day Bush declared war with Iraq, and well I was a sitting duck.

I have been noticing over the years, the past 3 I have been examining myself, that on certain days of the year, usually tragic, the conscious mind doesn't even need to be aware of the date but the sub conscious brain still feels the terrible memories. Because of that it can cause sadness, sickness, depression and even suicide, for no known reason. I'm not a doctor, or therapist and I don't feel like trying to find an article to prove my theory. I'm just saying that in my experience and examination I have found a lot of my depression to be surrounded around recurrences of tragic dates, year by year.

And that friends is what happens to me. So if I skip a few days, even though I plan to write everyday, stay with me. I hope I am sharing fun and educational stories. I want my pain and suffering to help others if possible. I like writing and I think blogging everyday will help improve my writing. I don't even think anyone reads this yet but I'm still doing it. It's for myself as much as for the world, and the friends I may make. So I will try harder, and stick to my plan. Everyday, that I can.

(These pictures are not mine, and I'm bad at referencing pics from FB, sorry)

Jesyka Lynn

A Love Letter

I have been too upset and stressed lately to actually write about anything, but I thought I would share my letter to my ex about how I feel.

I don't know when it happened, it just did. I have a right to be selfish, for years it was me and noone else. That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be an equal priority  I feel I was for awhile, and it was great. We had everything together here. Your kids, and mine were next. Supposedly. But at some point, I stopped mattering to you. Anything I wanted was no longer an option. You can call me jealous if you want. That's not what it is at all.I want your kids to come before me. I'd rather be equal to them, but when the fuck did I become last? I no longer matter at all. In my eyes its you, my kids, your kids, close friends and family, and then others who shouldn't matter. If I put someone in that last category for you, you should respect my wishes since I should be #1. Your immediate family comes first, and I am your immediate family. If not, when did it stop? When did you stop caring? I became less important and then you acted like a fool checkin up on everything I did. You smothered me and you no longer cared for me. And now, more than ever, I have this fight in me. And I am trying so hard, so fucking hard and you keep leaving me hangin and shutting me down. How much more punishment do I have to endure. This year has been hell. So damn stressful, nothing but a fight. And now I feel you owe me. I bought the Van the least you could do is 1.) pay me for your half, or 2.) Give me a ride when I need it. I offered you $20.00 for gas and you can't even do that, even though I bought the vehicle and the gas. WTF? 

I might have more to say later. Peace and Blessed Be.

And She is Born Again, a fresh start with me.

Fresh painted toes, check
Shimmering glow, check
Little black dress, check
High ass heels, check
Fly ass outlook on life, double check

Why is this important some of you might say, but that would be because you do it everyday. Hell most woman get it done by someone else. But for those of us who too often get stuck in a continual rut we forget to do these simple things. I did everyone of them at home. Yep that's right, I painted my toes, I dyed my hair, I looked through my overloaded closet and found new or frequently worn items, like my dress and shoes. No I haven't wore them yet but they are sitting there looking pretty for me, umm, sometime this week? Probably so cause I'm feeling fresh to death. So I'm gonna hook up with a friend and have a much needed night on the town with no men. Wow it feels like forever. ;)

So all you ladies out their that have been sitting at home with your nails overgrown, or your grays straying through, or wearing the same boring t-shirts day after day, month after month, or maybe even year after year, GET UP! Start living your life. Yes YOURS, not everyone else's. We can't live to please others, first we have to please ourselves. Even if you don't go all out, every little bit counts. Sometimes to become positive in life, to stop being mean and hateful, to smile when you go to the store...all you need is a fresh start, with a fresh outlook. ♡

Take a deep breath right now, let it out slowly. Now close your eyes and envision your dreams coming true while you take a few more deep breaths. Now say to yourself, "I am beautiful, I am powerful, I am everything that I want to be." Seriously do it, you will instantly feel a different sensation throughout your body and mind. For the rest of the day, stay focused. Plan out and organize your goals. See what's logical and get busy. You are the only thing holding you back. :D

Stay tuned, stay with me if you are needing a transformation, I am putting my self through this right now, and look what it inspired me to do. With positive thinking we can do anything that we can imagine. I sure hopes this helps anyone going through a drought in their life for whatever reason, could be married, have children, work a lot, been depressed, whatever it may be I send my positive vibes your way. If it worked for me, it will work for you. Questions??? x)

Please check out my photo. Check out this application: https://market.android.com/details?id=com.roidapp.photogrid Sent from my Android.