Super Sunday Sync

Linking up with the girls over at Super Sunday Sync! Have a good week everyone!

Holding on or Letting go???

Alright this post is not going to be based on the political correct idea or what you should do, but on what I am feeling I should do. I listened to a lot of crap throughout my life about walking away and letting go when things aren't as they should be. But I don't want to let go ever again.

Here are a few examples of CRAP I read, and have even shared on Facebook. And yes in the back of my mind and thinking of my heart, I have been totally for this method.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

(nothing against this page, I just needed a pic)

Yes there is definitely a limit on how much and how bad a person should be able to treat you but honestly for the last however many years I have been hateful and sad, I walked away from a lot of really good people for making mistakes. I keep doing it, every time someone makes me mad, or hurts my feelings.

Now that I am trying to completely start my life over, and yes I hope I find a few great friends, at this point I haven't. Basically I am realizing that if I want to have friends at all, I am going to have to accept the fact that people make mistakes. And yes sometimes they are horrible mistakes. Even I have made many, and maybe some people have walked away from me.

Also I would like to comment on this one. I actually had an experience with this and followed though with leaving all of them behind when my troubles were over. Not fun and to be very honest that's when I started walking away from people who screwed me over. However as I look back and sit here friendless (almost) I am realizing that by living so true to these words that I have lost everyone, including some very important people that I loved dearly.

via someone on fb

The reason all this is on my mind is because I recently had a friend of like 5 months make me completely irate. And for a few days I had to calm myself down. I felt like that person did what they did to intentionally upset me. I have had to realize that it had nothing to do with me, and I honestly feel like it has nothing to do with how they feel about me. I have always told myself that whoever did something hurtful or wasn't there when I needed them was because they didn't care about me, probably no one else, or even them self  But I have realized that may not always be true. Actually it almost never is if I think really hard because everyone I have hurt has always been people I love with all of my heart. It was just a stupid mistake, that had everything to do with me, and almost always ended up regretting but not even all of the time.

And I can finally say that my whole new outlook on how I want things to be is totally working for me. I want to be able to forgive people, no matter what. If I don't want to do it for them that's fine, I'll have to evaluate the situation as I am now and determine my best course of action. Should I hold on to that friendship or should let go and walk away. If I walk away every time I will still be sitting here lonely, losing friends the moment I make them. So this time I'm going to stay, for now. If it happens again I might walk away but everyone deserves a second chance, maybe 5, 10 or 50, who knows. No matter what you have to forgive for your own piece of mind. If not for them, do it for yourself.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

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A Love Letter

I have been too upset and stressed lately to actually write about anything, but I thought I would share my letter to my ex about how I feel.

I don't know when it happened, it just did. I have a right to be selfish, for years it was me and noone else. That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be an equal priority  I feel I was for awhile, and it was great. We had everything together here. Your kids, and mine were next. Supposedly. But at some point, I stopped mattering to you. Anything I wanted was no longer an option. You can call me jealous if you want. That's not what it is at all.I want your kids to come before me. I'd rather be equal to them, but when the fuck did I become last? I no longer matter at all. In my eyes its you, my kids, your kids, close friends and family, and then others who shouldn't matter. If I put someone in that last category for you, you should respect my wishes since I should be #1. Your immediate family comes first, and I am your immediate family. If not, when did it stop? When did you stop caring? I became less important and then you acted like a fool checkin up on everything I did. You smothered me and you no longer cared for me. And now, more than ever, I have this fight in me. And I am trying so hard, so fucking hard and you keep leaving me hangin and shutting me down. How much more punishment do I have to endure. This year has been hell. So damn stressful, nothing but a fight. And now I feel you owe me. I bought the Van the least you could do is 1.) pay me for your half, or 2.) Give me a ride when I need it. I offered you $20.00 for gas and you can't even do that, even though I bought the vehicle and the gas. WTF? 

I might have more to say later. Peace and Blessed Be.

Ugly People Online...and I don't mean looks.

Have you ever felt this way? I'm sure everyone has at one time or another, in one form or another.

You say, 'what could you ever mean?, there's different forms?' Well yes, of course there is, we just usually don't experience any except for maybe getting turned down for a date or possibly a job you were looking forward to. But I have discovered since the turn of the Internet and Social Media that at times you may feel this awful turn down called Rejection. Ah ha, now you understand. Good, because I am writing this and hoping that I am not alone.

I have been using the internet since I was 13. However when I was thirteen we didn't have Facebook or Twitter or any of the other smaller social sites that have been used in the last 10 years. So all we had back then were email and chat rooms and well if you were in one you usually had conversation with others and sometimes made friends or you were like me and only talked to the friends you had in real life because someone told you it was too dangerous to 'meet people online'. Essentially that saying wasn't to deter you from talking to people online, but only from meeting the people in actual real life. Still not always safe. TAKE PRECAUTIONS before doing so.

Anyway, skip forward a few years and I grow up to about 27 and when I go back to school I see some girls in class using MySpace. I create one and I add some people from my class and I fall in love with editing my page and expressing myself. I eventually add people from my past, meet some new people who have it and even go on a few dates because I was fairly new in town and single and I found it to be a great way to meet friends. And then I discover Facebook. Well I heard about it and kinda checked it out but I really liked MySpace, I actually miss it. But Facebook became popular with everyone, even businesses and well everyone had one, so why shouldn't I? 

Skip forward another 3 or 4 years and I am always checkin my page. Sharing pictures and Liking status' all the time. And yes I accepted people I didn't know, and I found this huge network of social sites and discovered other means of learning and I started looking up to someone. There are a few people that I learn from daily but this one person reminded me so much of me and I just knew that we were destined to be friends, and well since I made other friends online I particularly knew I would become friends with her. I at least expected her to be privy to my liking and to be nice to me. Maybe answer a question or 2, add me as a friend and hit Like on something I said or did, subscribe to my YouTube channel or check out my new website or this here blog since I asked her to do any one of the things because she was so important to everything I have started up in my life these past couple months. She never did any of it, and the response that I got was very negative and rude when I simply complimented her in the very most special way I have ever done anyone.

Now here I am. I am Rejected. I'm not sure where to go from here. Do I just keep being a avid fan of this persons or do I let her go completely. I guess in a way I feel weird that I even feel this because I don't KNOW this girl, and she definitely doesn't have a clue who I am. Maybe she's to totally busy to even be nice to someone when they are looking up her. Maybe she has too many, or a few better FANS. I hope that in my journey I don't come off the wrong way to anyone. I always try to be nice when commenting and returning the favor when Friending or Subscribing. I guess I just expected the same. Because of that I have this tare in my soul of rejection, and now I no longer know if I can  Follow this person. One thing I do know is I'm going to find me another person to admire. And well I guess with time maybe I'll learn her secret ways and have my own collection of fans, enough to where I can pick and choose to be nice too. But that's not me so I guess my perception of her wasn't exactly what I had in my mind.

Everyone please be considerate to other people you meet, you never know how it will make them feel.