What's Up Wendesday

What is today? Is it Wednesday? Yep it sure is. Guess I'm gonna do a

What's Up Wednesday!!!

So lets see, uh okay damn, the last post I did was last Wednesday. And wow it has been a crappy week. Might I first just be honest with myself and everyone else and first say that I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. Ha, and my next confession may or may not, probably not, have anything to do with being Bi-Polar. However I spent Friday through Tuesday curled up on the couch, mostly sleeping and eating very little and double duty sulking in my sad little pitiful excuse of a life. Yea I did and honestly I think that's 3 weeks in a row now. But don't be confused because that's not technically a depression phase. At least not a typical one anyway. Depression lasts for 3 weeks or more but it has to be consecutive. And generally for no reason at all.

Depression and Mania

Well I sat sulking in my misery this week because as soon as it happened I recognized the pattern. And by God admitting it is a very hard thing to do so I think I'm gonna keep that to myself for now. Lets just see if we have a week 4 or not. Week 3 should not have happened but when it hit me I lost all control and that made it even worse. Lets see I could be rapid-cycling but I doubt that's the case, even though that's the type I typically am. I cannot sleep for the life of me and I did some major cleaning and organizing all night and all day yesterday, but I had the energy and it was way over due. Now if I am in a Phase again, jeez it's been soooo long, I have obviously been learning to deal with it a little better. Yay.

Completely Normal

And moving on. I just wanted to touch base and say that I did manage to complete 3 out of 5 goals on 5 for Five last week, so for being in a sappy mood that's not too bad. However I am not planning any for this week. Maybe just try not to argue with anyone. That would just ruin my mood. I'm in a good mood because I had some unexpected old friends stop by to visit. They are amazing. I love em. I also talked to a favorite person on the phone and that hasn't happened lately. Hopefully I see him today. If I make it through the day. I'm tired from all the cleaning I did. :( Anyway I should probably get up like a normal person today. Take a shower, dress up, do my hair and make up and stop being a sad lil pup. Don't know if I've been funny at all but at least now I'm trying to make myself smile. Thanks for reading my roller coaster journey, please follow me.

What's Up Wednesday

Okay so this is What's Up, I have so much energy today that I actually got bored for a moment because I was so hyper I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that I got very sad last Wednesday and was in bed being lazy for about 4 days. Now I am refreshed and totally energized. I feel like I could take on the world. I can do anything I want to do. Now, honestly I just gotta keep this going and hurry up and figure out what I really want to conquer. I conquered a lot last week, I was getting shit done.

Then me and Jason had  a talk and of course as soon as you talk about feelings and the future, someone has to get all anxious and try to bail. Depressing crap, especially when the only reason you talk about that crap is because he decides to say that he loves you. Loves me but then wants to run-away. Well I think that we got that all cleared up. We decided that if we do get in that lovey mood and say crazy things that we'll know it's in the heat of the moment (not sex people) and we will just not take it seriously. I never did anyway. My heart is in hate mode, which means I am protecting it for now.

Also, What's Up is that last week I got the mole on my lip cut off. I'm going to blog about it with pictures once it is completely healed. Almost there.

Me and My Wonderful Sisters

And my 'lil sis Nakita sent me an invitation for her Bachelor's Degree Graduation. I am totally pumped about it and can't wait for the date. (I better be able to go.) I only graduated with a certification so technically she'll be the first from our family. Go Nakita, I love you girl!

And then I have totally been blogging a lot, obviously for myself. That's totally fine on some of this stuff but I wish I was interesting enough to get at least one follower. I wonder what I can do better. If you are reading this, I would love to hear some feedback in the comments section. At least I always have it saved for myself, that's all that really matters. I have lost so much digital documents that blogging makes it really nice for journaling because it's always saved online. Also clouds are like my digital best friend. I love the backup and accessing from any device. Really awesome. And now I am rambling, blah, blah, blah. I got to go, later lovies!

Bi-polar Love

Hello, thanks for stopping by. This is Tuesday and my day to share some writing with you. Hope you enjoy. Please remember to comment, subscribe or follow. Blessings and Love.

Bi-Polar Love Affair - Haiku

I say hateful things

I love being your lover

The sadness is mine

I get mad at you

I never want another

Tell me what to do

I am so confused

Should I leave or should I stay

That's me loving you

Jesyka Lynn

I guess I'm gonna rant or whatever to get me back in the mood

Well its been awhile since I've wrote anything. I guess I have a few ideas, I'll kinda try not to get to specific on any one thing. I really need to brainstorm alittle. My thoughts have been all over the place the past few months, mainly because I had a lot of stress going on and partly because I was manic, and jesus when my mind gets like that it is impossible to put anything into an order of any sorts. I guess thats what brainstorming and free writing is for. :)

So of course with all the stress going on, I have lots of things to talk about. Especially since I have turned it all around. Yep thats right, I have been working extra hard on life. Also I read an awesome book on turning things around. The book is about letting go of love and acceptance.  Absolutely amazing, but I guess I'm going to leave that to another post because it definitely deserves it very own page.

Other things that have happened is that I have now been single for 4 months. Yep thats right, 120 days today. And as scared as I was I now have a great appreciation for independence and a inner love for myself. At the beginning of that time I had a relapse of mental health issues and I had a wonderful hospitalization.  Yes it was wonderful, the staff thought me so much on how to do the best I can in life and I actually listened whole heartedly for the very first time. Things are amazing in my life today and my next goal is to organize everything so I can share my experiences with you.

Summarized  I am going to start with talking about The Work, then I am going to talk about relationships and why you dont need them and signs that they are unhealthy from the beginning, then alittle about obsession and how to break the bond you feel that you have, mental health issues and how to manage them, isolation and how to venture out little by little, and the amazing holistic ways I have discovered that are working hard in my life right now.

Wow, thats a big list, I better get started soon. Thanks for reading, be sure to subscribe and check me out on Facebook if you'd like, www.facebook.com/iamjasminerayne .