What's Up Wednesday

Okay so this is What's Up, I have so much energy today that I actually got bored for a moment because I was so hyper I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that I got very sad last Wednesday and was in bed being lazy for about 4 days. Now I am refreshed and totally energized. I feel like I could take on the world. I can do anything I want to do. Now, honestly I just gotta keep this going and hurry up and figure out what I really want to conquer. I conquered a lot last week, I was getting shit done.

Then me and Jason had  a talk and of course as soon as you talk about feelings and the future, someone has to get all anxious and try to bail. Depressing crap, especially when the only reason you talk about that crap is because he decides to say that he loves you. Loves me but then wants to run-away. Well I think that we got that all cleared up. We decided that if we do get in that lovey mood and say crazy things that we'll know it's in the heat of the moment (not sex people) and we will just not take it seriously. I never did anyway. My heart is in hate mode, which means I am protecting it for now.

Also, What's Up is that last week I got the mole on my lip cut off. I'm going to blog about it with pictures once it is completely healed. Almost there.

Me and My Wonderful Sisters

And my 'lil sis Nakita sent me an invitation for her Bachelor's Degree Graduation. I am totally pumped about it and can't wait for the date. (I better be able to go.) I only graduated with a certification so technically she'll be the first from our family. Go Nakita, I love you girl!

And then I have totally been blogging a lot, obviously for myself. That's totally fine on some of this stuff but I wish I was interesting enough to get at least one follower. I wonder what I can do better. If you are reading this, I would love to hear some feedback in the comments section. At least I always have it saved for myself, that's all that really matters. I have lost so much digital documents that blogging makes it really nice for journaling because it's always saved online. Also clouds are like my digital best friend. I love the backup and accessing from any device. Really awesome. And now I am rambling, blah, blah, blah. I got to go, later lovies!

Holding on or Letting go???

Alright this post is not going to be based on the political correct idea or what you should do, but on what I am feeling I should do. I listened to a lot of crap throughout my life about walking away and letting go when things aren't as they should be. But I don't want to let go ever again.

Here are a few examples of CRAP I read, and have even shared on Facebook. And yes in the back of my mind and thinking of my heart, I have been totally for this method.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

(nothing against this page, I just needed a pic)

Yes there is definitely a limit on how much and how bad a person should be able to treat you but honestly for the last however many years I have been hateful and sad, I walked away from a lot of really good people for making mistakes. I keep doing it, every time someone makes me mad, or hurts my feelings.

Now that I am trying to completely start my life over, and yes I hope I find a few great friends, at this point I haven't. Basically I am realizing that if I want to have friends at all, I am going to have to accept the fact that people make mistakes. And yes sometimes they are horrible mistakes. Even I have made many, and maybe some people have walked away from me.

Also I would like to comment on this one. I actually had an experience with this and followed though with leaving all of them behind when my troubles were over. Not fun and to be very honest that's when I started walking away from people who screwed me over. However as I look back and sit here friendless (almost) I am realizing that by living so true to these words that I have lost everyone, including some very important people that I loved dearly.

via someone on fb

The reason all this is on my mind is because I recently had a friend of like 5 months make me completely irate. And for a few days I had to calm myself down. I felt like that person did what they did to intentionally upset me. I have had to realize that it had nothing to do with me, and I honestly feel like it has nothing to do with how they feel about me. I have always told myself that whoever did something hurtful or wasn't there when I needed them was because they didn't care about me, probably no one else, or even them self  But I have realized that may not always be true. Actually it almost never is if I think really hard because everyone I have hurt has always been people I love with all of my heart. It was just a stupid mistake, that had everything to do with me, and almost always ended up regretting but not even all of the time.

And I can finally say that my whole new outlook on how I want things to be is totally working for me. I want to be able to forgive people, no matter what. If I don't want to do it for them that's fine, I'll have to evaluate the situation as I am now and determine my best course of action. Should I hold on to that friendship or should let go and walk away. If I walk away every time I will still be sitting here lonely, losing friends the moment I make them. So this time I'm going to stay, for now. If it happens again I might walk away but everyone deserves a second chance, maybe 5, 10 or 50, who knows. No matter what you have to forgive for your own piece of mind. If not for them, do it for yourself.

via Positive Quotes on Facebook

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What's Up Wednesday Wk 1

What's up Wednesday!

This is something I came up while planning out my blog week. Now that I know about link ups it may be cool to start a link up with it the future. Who knows. First I need to start writing a good blog and have more followers to get it passed around. Anyway today will be an actual journal of something personal that's going on in my life. Here goes!

My life has been totally hectic. I have a lot going on. I am in therapy and drug and alcohol counseling  it's an on going event that will last a life time and sometimes it is extremely hard to follow through with. I don't like to do it every week but in order to stay positive and on the straight and narrow I must do it. So 3 times a week I go in for different groups. The reason it is hard for me is because I don't like leaving my house or being in a group. At times I feel like calling it off for whatever reason, and today I did that because I have a terrible headache. But even after a year of doing the right thing all the time I feel bad for not showing up and it makes me feel guilt. For an addict the feeling of guilt is a great risk. Thankfully I made it through the day but I must remember how I felt and when it is time for the next group I must remember to show up.

Another thing in my life is a new relationship. I started dating one of my friends a couple weeks ago. I accepted the idea of dating him with the intention that it would be fun to go out and do things with probably anyone. I never thought that I would be interested in anything more than a few dates. But 3 weeks later, a few fun dates and some hanging out at my place and even once his friends place, I now have opened up my mind to maybe going further with him. The talk we had a little while ago was a little intense but we shared with each other how we felt with each other. We didn't mention if we were going to go from seeing each other to being with each other like gf/bf or whatever but we both definitely are enjoying the time together and I think that we both are going to only see each other from now on. That's already been happening so it shouldn't be hard to do. Next week I guess I will update where it has gone from here.

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Jesyka Lynn