What's Up Wednesday

Okay so this is What's Up, I have so much energy today that I actually got bored for a moment because I was so hyper I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm guessing that has something to do with the fact that I got very sad last Wednesday and was in bed being lazy for about 4 days. Now I am refreshed and totally energized. I feel like I could take on the world. I can do anything I want to do. Now, honestly I just gotta keep this going and hurry up and figure out what I really want to conquer. I conquered a lot last week, I was getting shit done.

Then me and Jason had  a talk and of course as soon as you talk about feelings and the future, someone has to get all anxious and try to bail. Depressing crap, especially when the only reason you talk about that crap is because he decides to say that he loves you. Loves me but then wants to run-away. Well I think that we got that all cleared up. We decided that if we do get in that lovey mood and say crazy things that we'll know it's in the heat of the moment (not sex people) and we will just not take it seriously. I never did anyway. My heart is in hate mode, which means I am protecting it for now.

Also, What's Up is that last week I got the mole on my lip cut off. I'm going to blog about it with pictures once it is completely healed. Almost there.

Me and My Wonderful Sisters

And my 'lil sis Nakita sent me an invitation for her Bachelor's Degree Graduation. I am totally pumped about it and can't wait for the date. (I better be able to go.) I only graduated with a certification so technically she'll be the first from our family. Go Nakita, I love you girl!

And then I have totally been blogging a lot, obviously for myself. That's totally fine on some of this stuff but I wish I was interesting enough to get at least one follower. I wonder what I can do better. If you are reading this, I would love to hear some feedback in the comments section. At least I always have it saved for myself, that's all that really matters. I have lost so much digital documents that blogging makes it really nice for journaling because it's always saved online. Also clouds are like my digital best friend. I love the backup and accessing from any device. Really awesome. And now I am rambling, blah, blah, blah. I got to go, later lovies!

Bi-polar Love

Hello, thanks for stopping by. This is Tuesday and my day to share some writing with you. Hope you enjoy. Please remember to comment, subscribe or follow. Blessings and Love.

Bi-Polar Love Affair - Haiku

I say hateful things

I love being your lover

The sadness is mine

I get mad at you

I never want another

Tell me what to do

I am so confused

Should I leave or should I stay

That's me loving you

Jesyka Lynn

Making your love last

Oh boy did I think of a good one today. I actually think it popped into my mind last night but whatever triggered it then surpassed it by all means this morning. I'm still very stressed and upset, reprogramming my mind you might say, lol. So my thoughts today are very centered on 'why am I still sticking around? I am miserable.' But then I have to take a few steps back and ask myself "is it always this way, only sometimes, more often then not or not so much?"
So once I figure it out, and by god this is almost a daily thing, I chalk it up and decide that it's only sometimes, you know just once in a while and it's totally worth saving this relationship. Very, very hard to do.
Seriously, did I just do that? Me, the girl who proclaimed she would never be in a relationship with one person for the rest of my life, and left every other relationship I was in at the first sign of trouble? Crazy especially if you know me or can relate.
I had a bad relationship before this one, but I stayed almost 3 years because I had a kid. Worst mistake of my life, but I guess that's what keeps me here in this one. Things might be little off at times, life maybe stressful, and we may severely disagree most of the time, but it is so much better than I had before.
And well I have to accept that the world does not revolve around what I want. So what if he doesn't want what I want, so I don't get my way. And so what if we have different schedules and at times we get upset when our sleep is interrupted or maybe we butt heads when raising our kids. Things happen, people even change, life changes but true love doesn't change. So I have figured out that I may have to "REPROGRAM" my mind EVERY SINGLE DAY but the truth is that he is my best friend, and even with his flaws I fell in love with him for his assets, and well I've even grown to love those annoying things I didn't use to like anyway.
So when I begin to have a bad day, I take a moment for myself and remember why I'm here and why I want to stay.