A Love Letter

I have been too upset and stressed lately to actually write about anything, but I thought I would share my letter to my ex about how I feel.

I don't know when it happened, it just did. I have a right to be selfish, for years it was me and noone else. That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be an equal priority  I feel I was for awhile, and it was great. We had everything together here. Your kids, and mine were next. Supposedly. But at some point, I stopped mattering to you. Anything I wanted was no longer an option. You can call me jealous if you want. That's not what it is at all.I want your kids to come before me. I'd rather be equal to them, but when the fuck did I become last? I no longer matter at all. In my eyes its you, my kids, your kids, close friends and family, and then others who shouldn't matter. If I put someone in that last category for you, you should respect my wishes since I should be #1. Your immediate family comes first, and I am your immediate family. If not, when did it stop? When did you stop caring? I became less important and then you acted like a fool checkin up on everything I did. You smothered me and you no longer cared for me. And now, more than ever, I have this fight in me. And I am trying so hard, so fucking hard and you keep leaving me hangin and shutting me down. How much more punishment do I have to endure. This year has been hell. So damn stressful, nothing but a fight. And now I feel you owe me. I bought the Van the least you could do is 1.) pay me for your half, or 2.) Give me a ride when I need it. I offered you $20.00 for gas and you can't even do that, even though I bought the vehicle and the gas. WTF? 

I might have more to say later. Peace and Blessed Be.