Well, well, well. It's been a couple weeks, I know I thought of quite a bit I should talk about, but I wasn't feeling it just yet. I'm sure they'll come to me, maybe I just have to get the past 2 weeks down so maybe I'll even see what I am thinking or feeling.
Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight and some things were said and done on both sides that caused us to throw the last 3 years away. Basically I wanted some space, he swore there was another guy, I told him I felt he was 'holding' me back from what I wanted to do with life (which is pretty much everything including my Website, My Blog, and FB.) We split and thats the end of it. I'm sure he's fine with it as much as I am so it's cool.
Only problem is I'm not over him yet. I've been holding myself back from the hard things, like writing a blog because my brain is running wild. I swear love makes you crazy. And love is blind. And love really does hold you back.
I have begun doing things the way I've always wanted. I go for a walk every day and it's fine if it takes 2 hours. I eat whatever I want, I don't have to ask someone what they want. And the biggest thing is that I listen to more of a variety of music b/c he was against all but his kind. Those few little things have made me feel more like me, the person I know that I am, without the sacrifices. That may not seem like much to anyone but it does go much deeper than this, I am just choosing not to put it all out there.
So I have to Reprogram, there's the word, my whole life existence as I have known it for the past 9 years. Yeah I've been in relationships for that long. And to me they were all hell. But at the same time they were wonderful. I only wanted to have my own life, separate from theirs, and a life with them. Isn't that the way it is supposed to be? I don't know I haven't had it like that but apparently it's out there waiting.
Well thats the story, I hope I can get my mind right soon enough. I definitely need to stop posting on FB, especially the sappy love songs. I made 2 remix cd's today. Mostly very inspirational for my situation. Maybe I'll post the ones that are after I listen to them, that way maybe they can help someone else besides me. Have a great day, thanks for reading. BB LOVIES>
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