30 Day Challenge. Here We Go. Day 2

Day 2 - Where Do You Want to be in 10 Years?

Ten years is along time from now but considering I've wasted about the last ten years of my life due to a mental setback I will basically want what I thought I would have by now. Or basically as my goals have somewhat changed over the years. Now that I am much better at knowing myself and dealing with life on life's terms. Considering that I am in the process of beginning to buy a home one thing I would definitely like to have accomplished is having my beautiful home paid by at least 1/3 , 10 years on a 30 year loan. I should also have a bachelors degree in Psychology and have at least a couple of years working a career and possibly off of the disability that I'm currently receiving. Hopefully I am no longer needing to take any medications on a daily basis due to the fact that I will know how to effectively deal with stressful situations. I can hope that by then I am settled down with a loving man who treats me like a queen. And that I fall in love everyday. One thing for sure is that I'll be helping my 2 oldest children learn to live as adults and help them do well in college and choose a good life. They should not need to go through the struggles that I have gone through. I learned and recovered for them. My new son will be turning 10 so I will be involved with his schooling and sports. It'd be nice to be a part of the PTA and to help out with sport activities without anxieties and fears. The most important place I wanna be in clean and serene with 10+ yrs of recovery, still involved with AA/NA as much as possible. I'd also like to speak publicly and write a book about addiction to help otherss who suffer and have not yet found their way. This is hard for me right now because at this time I'm just trying to maintain and get by one day at a time. Who can really tell what the future of 10 yrs holds and promises but I do hope I'm happy and content with whatever life gives me.

30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 2

Day 2 - 20 Facts about Yourself

1. I'm female.
2. I served in the Army.
3. I'm about to have my 3rd child.
4. I love vampires.
5. It's easy to get on my nerves, sometimes peoples noises like breathing make me wanna rip my eyes off, lol.
6. I'm single. I wonder why after #5, haha.
7. I love Psychology.
8. One of my facorite things is painting even though I don't consider myself an artist at all.
9. I like Greek names more than others.
10. I wasted about 6 or 7 years of my life.
11. My pet peeve is hair, can't stand it except on peoples head bc everyone would look strange if we were all bald.
12. I'm not a huge fan of food, but one of my favorite pastimes is dining out.
13. I'm spiritual, but not completely 'New Age'
14. I'm currently watching Magic Mike, for the first time. It came out a few years ago lol.
15. I'm not completely selfish but I'm not completely selfless either. I feel everyone should make their own way in life. I never had anything handed to me.
16. I love Radio U, I'm not Christian but my fave genre is Christian Rock.
17. I love to travel but I prefer to drive to my destination.
18. I have anxiety. I'm alot better than I was for years but it still debilitating at times.
19. I have 7 tattoos and and 9 piercings.
20. and I love my life today.

30 Day Challenge. Here We Go. Day 1

Day 1 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Welp, I'm single. And I'm actually really happy with it. Until September 2012 I was never single for more than a couple months in between a few kinda long relationships since I was in high school. I never thought I could make it on my own. I don't even know that I didn't want to be with that man (Jason) but I felt like I was stuck and my life wasn't going to get to much better if I stayed with him so I suggested we take a 6 month break and both gain adult independence  instead of being co-dependent on each other. To this day I don't know if that was a mistake or not, there's no way to for see what would've happened. He obviously didn't understand that I just wanted to know that I didn't need a man to survive and wanted to find out how I really felt because even though I didn't know for months he didn't become independent at all, he just moved on within 2 weeks. So of course the more he was gone the more I missed him and the more I was sure I wanted to be with him. But before our break was up and despite that him and I was still hooking up I discovered he had a girlfriend all that time. So that broke my heart because he didn't measure up to the person I hoped he was, he wasn't staying with me because he loved me, he just didn't want to be alone either and I convinced myself even though I don't have a clue if it was true that he continued sleeping with me so he was definitely cheating on me like he now was her. Okay, okay, enough about all that. I stayed single for a year which was a goal, I began dating someone in October I think but he turned out to be a terrible person and it was over before January. February 2014 came and I meet someone (Brandon), we instantly became best buddies and soon decided to date, that lasted til July 2014. Total bad luck with men, at this point I regretted my decision of leaving Jason. I decided to stay single for a year again and really work on myself and my problems. I went on a date here and there without the intention of really getting to know them but dang it the beginning can become very lonely at times. 9 months into it I had done a great deal of work on learning about who I am and I met a guy who I thought was into me and I made the mistake of saying I didn't want to date anyone because it hadn't been a year but we could hang out. And of course hanging out consisted of having sex FWB because well it had been 9 months and I'm only human and for some reason I was really attracted to this awkward weirdo lol I'm just playing. But he was a respectful guy and we ended up spending a lot of days together and having a lot of fun. But I ruined it because when I decided that I basically had a relationship I decided to bring it up and all of a sudden I wasn't good enough for him, he said he was emotionally unavailable. So boo hoo I've remained completely single since July 2015. And BTW he had a crazy girlfriend a month later. But that only human part of me kicked in when Brandon showed up in October. We spent the weekend together but I quickly realized I didn't want anything to do with him ever again. It's ironic that I made that decision to the extinct of blocking him because I ended up pregnant. So now I still don't wanna be with him but he's no longer blocked and we have talked and he spent the night once. Only for me to be even more convinced that I'm happier by myself with this baby in my belly than having just any man in my life. My dream of finding a man I'll be satisfied with is more than likely going to put on hold for quite awhile but I've accepted it. I'm 19 weeks and the only relationships I need in my life are the ones with all the best female friends I've made and the ones with my beautiful children. No man not worth a damn needed here. I love being single so much that my bestie thinks I'm ruined and will never accept anyone ever again. I don't think that's the case though, I just know what I want and I haven't found it yet. But yeah it's nice being comfortable alone.

30 Day Blogging Challenge, Day 1.

After an extremely long hiatus I've dug up some blog challenges from my dear friend google.
Hope I meet the challenge everyday, it's hard deciding which to start with but even though this is an old blog I decided I still want to use it but I'm going to treat it like this is the beginning because it's the new chapter after working hard to reprogram my mind. I'm actually going to do 2 different challenges a day though because so of these will be short and sweet and well I just want to write more.

Day 1- Your Blog's Name

Reprogramming the Mind

I started this blog in 2012 when I began taking recovery seriously. It was meant to just be my journal and private space for me. I was doing okay back then but I started reading other peoples blog's and how they make money and looked at all their followers and comments and I barely got any, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't figure out how to attract people to my site. For some reason I forgot the whole purpose and reason for starting my blog, it was a way for me to journal my private thoughts and at first I didn't even know if I wanted to ever share it, just wanted it saved online for myself, forget the stack of journals I was collecting, I was going to scan every page and type instead of write. But I shared my blog, and from the lack of attraction and after my sickness (the very last blog from Jan 2014) I became frighteningly negative again and convinced myself I was a terrible writer and of course no one wanted to read about me and I went back to my handy pen and paper. Well lately haven't been doing very much of that either and I started thinking about getting rid of those stacks of books again so here I am once again, hopefully being completely humble and strictly writing for myself without any expectations, lol. :)


Blogging Challenge courtesy of fighting-anorexia.blogspot.com

Happy New Year 2014

So I looked to see how long it has been since I wrote a post, Dec 2^nd. Over a month and even longer than that since I wrote anything meaningful. Today I am going to tell you why it is important to go to the doctor when you are sick. And first I am going to confess that I still haven’t gone. I am going to go when the temperature begins to rise again though. And yes I still need to go. I have been sick since Dec 24^th. That’s 13 days. 4 of those days I lied in bed unable to move. I could’ve even get up to find the phone to call 911. I couldn’t do anything for myself and yes I wish I could say that I actually had someone to make decisions and advocate for me but I didn’t so every day since those 4 I have said if I don’t get better by tomorrow, I’ll go to the ER. Well I keep putting it off because I have gotten better. I actually feel normal, cleaning and doing laundry, watching T.V. and now writing. But I am not normal by any means. 13 days later and still the only thing I have held down is 3 Jello cups, 1 yesterday and 2 today. I can’t even get myself to eat because the smell and taste of everything except orange jello, why orange? Cherry isn’t feasible so I don’t know. Everything tastes rancid, horrible, like I wonder if I will ever enjoy food again after this? I went to my neighbors yesterday so she could feed me mashed potatoes. I ate them by stuffing and swallowing only to later puke it up. Today I couldn’t even stomach ice cream. And I weighed myself, I lost 12 pounds. One pound each day. I don’t mind the weight loss of course but the way it was done really scares me now. Now I want nothing more than to head to the ER and find out what’s wrong with me. I am frightened that something terrible happened to my brain those 4 days I lay here feeling like I was dying. I even lose coordination of my limbs for two days. What if I really messed something up or had a deadly virus. Whatever it was, it still is. I need to get myself treated. Why the heck would everything smell dead?? Good thing out of this, I’ve quit smoking. So for my resolution I hope to stay stopped once I am better.

5 for Five

#1 Have a great Thanksgiving, and I hope you all do the same.

#2 Buy the charger for my Galaxy, not having it is killing me. I tried but Walmart didn't have it, so it's ordered from Thankful Amazon

#3 Talk to a few people in my family, after all it’s a holiday. I just hung out with my friend family and sent a few texts.

#4 Work on BOS project I’ve got going on. Nope, too dang busy with the holiday.

#5 Blog. perhaps about my holiday. My boyfriend and I are throwing it together at the last minute. You can read my Grateful blog here

and now for my 5 for Five today.
1. stay sober
2. love a lot
3. write a sexy blog, i got one in mind
4. be happy
5. stress less

Lets see how I do, and how you do too. Thanks for reading.

Thanksgiving Post 2013

GoodLightscraps.com

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I am going to do a GRATEFUL for post. So what is it that I am grateful for?

I am grateful to be alive

Grateful for the relationships I have

Especially the one that just begun

And the ones I fell far from and was found again this year

Grateful for the roof over my head, the one that is all mines

Grateful for all my therapists that have helped me find myself this year

Grateful that my children are safe

And grateful that they love me no matter how far away

For all the people who have stood by my side

That I made it a year being single, it was kind of a goal of mine and that my ex and I have made peace and can be friends

Thankful that I haven’t lost anything this year, my bad I lost an important person but I’m still grateful

Grateful for the VA hospital

Thankful I found a religion that works for me and that I’m not afraid to share it

Grateful there are so many good songs out this year

And with that the TV shows I watch are killer, glad I have that entertainment

And well mostly I am thankful for being ALIVE!and blogging!

Now I wish to know what it is you are thankful for. Have a wonderful THANKSGIVING!!!

What's Up Wednesday

Alright so today is my What’s Up Wednesday, where I tell you my juicy, lol, life details.

So what’s going on? I guess a whole lot. In the last few months, mainly this year I have evolved into a different person. I am no longer the shy, quiet girl who keeps to herself. I was when I started this blog but no longer am, so unfortunately the time that I had to myself that I needed to fill with blogging is no longer there. Therefore, I no longer have the time I want and need to blog. I now have a few friends, and a boyfriend (yay!) and balancing them all out is kind of hard to do. But since I love them all, and I love you (blogging) I have to figure it out.

In a way, for a while, I kind of gave up on blogging. I started paying attention to numbers, we’ve all been there, and I really feel that I am not succeeding as much as I should be. But I just have to remind myself that mainly this is for me, and if someone reads it that’s great, if it helps someone, that’s even better, but if not that’s okay because this is my online journal, my blog, and I write it for me, and I hope, a person in need. I will grow and my blog will grow in time as it is meant to be, not when I want it to.

So with that being said, I am sure I will find the time to write about my troubles, my inspiration to others and one day I will have 100+ followers, for now this is just practice, I will figure it all out in due time, like I have figured everything else out, like finding a boyfriend, someone that I can trust and I feel safe with. And I will make it through these next couple of weeks in this hard therapy that has helped me reach out to others, and grow as a human being so much. This Thanksgiving I am grateful for my therapist for helping me see the good, on the outside, and the inside. Thanks Megan.

Also, Happy Birthday and Deathday to my still born sister Jackie who would be 30 today, I love you mom, hang in there.

And thank you for reading. Please comment, subscribe or follow and let me know what’s up with you.

5 for Five

Well Happy Thanksgiving my lovies. I can’t believe this year is almost over. Yeah I’m a day behind but I am certainly not missing 5 for Five. So for last week and how I did. Green for completion, red for failure.

Goal #1 – Pack unneeded items, seriously. I did clear out some trash. J

Goal #2 – Arrange my living room with room to stack the boxes since the furniture I sold will be out today.

Goal #3 – Clean my house, thoroughly.

Goal #4 – Finish the Scrivener Tutorial and import my BOS files.

Goal #5 – Buy a new charger for my Galaxy. (It’ll be my 3^rd one, L)

Now this weeks 5 awesome goals

#1 Have a great Thanksgiving, and I hope you all do the same. J

#2 Buy the charger for my Galaxy, not having it is killing me.

#3 Talk to a few people in my family, after all it’s a holiday.

#4 Work on BOS project I’ve got going on.

#5 Blog. perhaps about my holiday. My boyfriend and I are throwing it together at the last minute.

Thanks for stopping by and checking out my goals. Please subscribe, follow or whatever it is you do.

Thanks lovies.

5 for Five

Hello everyone. Last week went by so fast I missed doing my goals on Monday, but hey that just gave me 2 weeks to complete them. Here I am today, with how I did the last time and what I’m going to do this time. Red for failure, green for accomplished.

Goal #1 – Blog something, even if it’s only link-ups for a while. I gave up writing about 2 months ago but I shouldn’t have. If linking up is all I can manage for now, so be it. L

Goal #2 – Work on organizing my new project, my BOS. Finally I figured out a way to scrapbook again. (I gave that up a few years ago) J

Goal #3 – Start packing my house so I can move. No sense waiting till the very last minute. L

Goal #4 – I finally got a Sponsor to help me with my addiction. I’m bad at calling people so my goal is to call her! J

Goal #5 – And finally do the homework she assigned me to do. J

Now my GOALS for this week, hopefully I come back next week. J

Goal #1 – Pack unneeded items, seriously.

Goal #2 – Arrange my living room with room to stack the boxes since the furniture I sold will be out today.

Goal #3 – Clean my house, thoroughly.

Goal #4 – Finish the Scrivener Tutorial and import my BOS files.

Goal #5 – Buy a new charger for my Galaxy. (It’ll be my 3^rd one, L)

That’s it, come back next week to see how I did and link-up for yourself. Leave me a comment letting me know you did so I can check out your goals. HAPPY BLOGGING.

5 for Five

I’m going to link up with 5 for Five because I finally seen it was still here or back or something last week and I really miss doing it.

I didn’t set any goals last week so let’s jump right in and set some for the week of November 4^th, 2013. OMG am I the only one surprised it’s November?

Goal #1 – Blog something, even if it’s only link-ups for a while. I gave up writing about 2 months ago but I shouldn’t have. If linking up is all I can manage for now, so be it.

Goal #2 – Work on organizing my new project, my BOS. Finally I figured out a way to scrapbook again. (I gave that up a few years ago)

Goal #3 – Start packing my house so I can move. No sense waiting till the very last minute.

Goal #4 – I finally got a Sponsor to help me with my addiction. I’m bad at calling people so my goal is to call her!

Goal #5 – And finally do the homework she assigned me to do.

Well that’s my 5 for Five, what’s yours? Check back next week to see how I did and check out my new goals.

Domestic Violence Info

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STATISTICS

·        85% - 95% of all domestic violence victims are female 

·        Over 5000,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year 

·        5.3 million women are abused each year 

·        As many as 324,000 women each year experience domestic violence during their pregnancy 

·        1,232 women each year are killed by an intimate partner 

·        Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women 

·        Women are more likely to be attacked by someone that they know rather than by a stranger 

·        An estimated 5.3 million cases of domestic violence occur among U.S. women 18 and older each year, resulting in nearly 2 million injuries 

·        On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the U.S. every day 

·        In a survey by the US Conference of Mayors, 56% of cities surveyed cited domestic violence as a primary cause of homelessness 

·        50% to 70% of men who abuse women also abuse children 

·        Homicide is the leading cause of death for women in the workplace 

·        Of the approximately 1.7 million incidents of workplace violence that occur in the U.S. every year, 18,700 are committed by an intimate partner: a current or former spouse, lover, partner or boyfriend/girlfriend

Copied via http://www.abetterwaydomesticviolence.org/rooms.html

     Are you yet wondering why I posted this, even before I begin my story? Well you see, that you seeing those statistics is more important to me than you even reading my story. Yes today I am going to tell you 2 stories, summed up. Prepare yourself, they are not pretty.

     This weekend a friend of mine came to my house. She had sun glasses on and so I asked why, even though I already knew the answer. You see her face was badly beaten on both sides. She had a horrible black eye and could barely walk upright because of the bruises on her ribs. I had to take her under my wing for the last few days because she didn’t know what to do.

     I proceeded in helping her to find the resources necessary. From the start she needed to visit the hospital and even be strong and tell them what happened. The hospital got the police involved, which made it easier for her to do the right thing and turn him in. I am glad she followed through because you will not believe what happened next. Her boyfriend left her house after beating the crap out of her and went straight to the police and turned her in! I guess he didn’t realize how badly he tore up her face and thought that he could get away with it. Now I don’t know where this is going yet, I just wanted to put the knowledge into everyone’s head.

Now I will share my summed up version of a very lengthy story with you.

     In the beginning of 2005 I met the most wonderful, sweet, romantic man. He was my prince charming and he lifted my spirits and gave me the world. About 3 months into the relationship he hit me for the first time. He didn’t ‘just’ hit me but remember this is the short version. Immediately when he was through he loved me so much, and was so-so very sorry and promised never to do it again. This went on every couple months for the next 3 years until he almost killed me. I made him go to therapy, with no avail. He was just doing it to please me. So one day I packed me and my kids up from my own house (I was the only one on the lease) and went to the domestic violence shelter. I ended up getting fed up with being there and got a macho attitude that I should be in my own home, it was mine and I deserved to be there. True fact: I did deserve to be there, safely though. Needless to say I went home, he said everything I wanted to hear and then he moved back in. 1 month later I lost custody of my children because of the abuse and that only made it worse. I almost died, probably 5 times. And then PRISON saved my life.

     There’s more but that’s enough for today. The moral is, stop it on site. Men (and women) who cause Domestic Violence are unpredictable. They are capable of anything, even framing you for their behavior. They will eventually kill you, so please call the police, shelter, anyone you can and ask for help. Remember never to go back after the first time, it ALWAYS progresses. One last fact; I never turned him in and to this day he continues to find weaker willed women, quiet and depressed or just reserved because he sniffs them out like a hound dog and thinks he can control them, and he beats them too. All because I let him get away with it and so are the others. And I regret it everyday. Women please do the right thing.

     *I am not a therapist or Domestic Violence worker of any kind, this is solely based off life experience.